My Past - School Years

I don’t know if it’s a good idea to start writing, but I feel like I have many unique experiences to share. 

Honestly, I think my existence is quite unique too. I was born in the states, but have spent many years living in China when I was young. I traveled back and forth many times, experienced cultural shock, language loss, and adjusting to different environments. For the years I spent in China going to school, I was often feeling lost and missed my friends in the States. I felt like I didn’t belong there. 

However, when I finally came back to the States, I noticed that everything became unfamiliar. As the technology was not as advanced back then, it was hard to keep in touch with my friends. They made new friends while I was gone. Speaking English became a strange thing to me as well. I didn’t know why, because it was my second time moving back to the States after living in China for a year. (Yes, I experienced moving to China and moving back to the States twice. The first time I moved to China was during second grade, and I moved back a year and a half later. The second time I moved to China was during fifth grade, and I moved back a year later.)

After I moved back the second time, I feel like it took me many years to get used to everything again. I also struggled a lot in school, not just academics, but also getting along with people. I often felt like I was judged by the people around me for “being quiet” and “not being smart enough”. The school I went to was really competitive, and as an Asian American, I felt like people expected me to do much better. I remember being made fun of by my peers and teachers being really mean to me. 

I wasn’t able to gain some confidence until I went to college. There were two things that happened that I think I could say was life changing. The first thing is that I took a class that had a speech almost every week. When I heard that we had a speech almost every week, I had a mental breakdown. And I felt like I would not be able to complete that class. However, that class was required for me. I decided to talk to the professor to see if she had any suggestions. I still remember when I sat down, I started crying. I told her everything that happened to me, and that I was afraid to speak. She gave me suggestions on how to complete a good speech, and she introduced me to a counselor who also came from a multicultural background. Talking to them really helped a lot and it was my first step in opening up myself. 

The second thing that happened was that I met a group of awesome girls and they were really supportive. After I went to college, I wanted to find a group that made me feel like a family. As I was searching for student organizations, an acquaintance from high school reached out to me and shared information about their organization. I went out to one of their events, and I immediately felt like they were exactly what I was looking for. I was able to become really close to them, and I was able to feel really comfortable around them. As we built the student organization together, I was also able to find my passions. Everytime I wanted to do something, they were really supportive. When I wanted to do a cultural event to share my background culture, they would support me and do the presentation with me. I wanted to participate in an annual cultural event held by another organization, and one of the girls participated with me. 

I’m really thankful for my college years and the people I met. Without them, I don’t know if I would ever make it to where I’m at now.